Finally, part 1

We leave Seattle early, real early. How do I know it is early? Because I’m tired. Why am I tired? Because it is fucking early. Fog still clings to the road much like the way sweat beads on the fat upper lip of an out of shape tourist as he huffs and puffs his way from Seattle’s Best Coffee across the street into Starbucks and then down the street and into Peet’s Coffee and then around the corner and down another block into Tully’s Coffee and then finally as his body begins to convulse and his eyes roll back in his head and his heart pumped full of caffeine and beating like a 1900’s steam engine train piston explodes out of his chest and wriggling like the salmon being tossed by the fish throwers of Pike’s Market lands steaming in the box of Rainier mountain cherries that are glistening like the fin of a killer whale cruising through the San Juan Islands chain that his equally large wife holds in her chubby fingers. Through this fog we head west, no east, homeward bound, for the first time of the trip.

After leaving Washington we pass through what I believe is Idaho. We eat subway. I get a 12 inch oven roasted chicken on Italian ‘erbs and cheeses with lettuce, tomatoes, green peppers, olives, banana peppers and southwestern chipotle sauce. Eric orders a sandwich as well. Seriously did you think I’d remember what he got? I will ask him when he comes into work.
Editors Note: At this point in time I am working next to Eric.
Editor’s Second Note: prior editor’s note was a euphemism for working for Eric.
I get a large fountain soda that I fill with a mix of Sprite and Lemonade. I don’t remember if I get chips or not.
In between Eric and I in line are 4 army people. While ordering, one forgets to order a sandwich for a fifth army comrade; upon realizing his mistake he orders the sandwich. In so doing he unwittingly becomes the most interesting thing that happens to us in Idaho.

Editor’s Note: I look at a map to figure out where we went after Idaho. OH YES. Mormon Town USA. Also upon rereading this entry and stumbling over the Subway passage I become quite hungry.
I look over at Eric to see if he is ready for a lunch break. He isn’t. Damn.

We arrive in Salt Lake City, I am the first Jew to ever the city voluntarily since the 2002 winter Olympics when Israel was represented by 5 athletes. These competitors would go on to take 6th and 19th place in ice dancing and unfortunately not place at all in short track speed skating. There is great controversy surrounding the short track speed skating event, as the Israeli skater claimed the track was in fact made of ice from salt-free water and not the same high salt content ice that he had expected.

Upon passing the city limits Eric and I roll down the windows and begin to blast gangster rap. We figuratively high five everyone in the world who doesn’t think nipple is a curse word. We arrive at Rich’s house. I have a class of Tang, it’s a fucking kick in a goddamn glass, and Eric has water, which is more like a pat on the back in a glass.

Rich gives us a grand tour of Salt Lake and all there is to see in the city. 5 minutes later we arrive back at his house and go to sleep at 8:30. Did I mention we are sleeping in the same twin size bed. God knows what Richard’s devout Mormon mother is thinking. Strangely I think I know exactly what she is thinking. I compose the latest entry in my travel blog. I look over at Eric to see if he is noticing. He isn’t.

I look over at Eric to see if he is noticing. He isn’t.
I go back to work.
Next update will be up later today. I’ll try not to be as clever as I think that I am being in the next update.